Those words echoed in my head all day today. It was a typical Monday, only a little worse. I got harassed by a pervy man on the street. I felt a little less loved than maybe I wanted to. A client *forgot* to pay me on time. A final project was looming over my head. Etc., etc., etc.
Did I mention it was raining? Literally.
So I put my headphones in at work and listened to Johnny Cash's Hurt a few zillion times over and wallowed. I can't tell if sad songs make me feel better or worse, but I gravitate to them either way.
When I got home I tried to encourage myself to put on a full face, film for my very neglected beauty channel, and buck up, buttercup. Instead, I took a nap, listened to Hurt a few more times, ate some pizza, and belted my lungs out on a long, pointless drive. I felt better when I got home, but guilty somehow.
There's so much pain in the world, and it's hard to feel anything but guilt when you find yourself complaining that your crush didn't text you back yet or your boots got wet in the rain. We live in a society that teaches us, especially men, to hide our emotions and power through them. I'm so proud of my strength, but sometimes even the strongest people break down. And that's okay.
I've been known to hide my emotions, or pretend they don't exist, or sometimes even walk all over other people's, thinking that everyone's as stoic as I am. It's a bad habit I'm trying to break. And today, instead of hiding, I accepted my feelings and took care of them. Maybe I didn't get all my work done, and maybe I will regret not working on this damn paper project tonight. But I'm going to bed feeling okay, and I honestly have not felt okay in months.
Be grateful, but don't ever think you don't matter.
As Cash/Nine Inch Nails said, "I focus on the pain: the only thing that's real."
Sometimes you need to do just that.