It is very difficult for me to ignore a person's past. It is difficult for me to trust. I am not going to ramble on about why this is or try to feel sorry for myself about anything because it's not even that, I think I am just a realist and would rather wait for trust to build than end up hurt because of trusting someone too soon.
I am trying to realize that I was a completely different person a year ago. I was a completely different person six months ago, really. People make mistakes. I should move on from that. But then again I have never made a mistake that was that disgusting. Literally vomit-inducing. And sure I lie, but never about anything important. Seriously.
So now I am at a crossroads and I can choose to trust someone that I love or I can cling to the past. My problem is that I really do not know how to look at this person anymore. When I say I am disgusted I really mean it.
Speaking of someone love, do you think love is possible without trust? I think it is funny how love is probably one of the most commonly used words but it is one of the only words without a real definition.
After analyzing this situation (which maybe one of you will have a clue about what I am talking about) I realized that I am so freakin old fashioned. Is it bad that I like to keep my legs closed and want to be courted and dream about getting married and having little brats or is it bad that I believe sex should be reserved for love and that love takes time and recovering from love takes time and that exes should be out of your life forever? Am I crazy? I am just trying to live my dream life, that's all. Maybe my standards are too high.
I refuse to settle.