Let's face it, like every social network that has come before it, Facebook is screeching to a halt. With Facebook Timeline pissing everyone off, and competing social playgrounds such as Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram taking front seat, Facebook will = Myspace in no time. Facebook, in the beginning, was a great idea. Here are five reasons (in the form of people) that it just doesn't work for me anymore.
1. The One That Just Got Engaged
Yup. That rock is beautiful. Your future husband is alright too. I really only need to see your ring once though. And I don't care to see each of your "dream wedding" pins. Or hear you gripe about... everything. Also, can you make me feel any more alone?
2. The One That Can't Spell
I thought typing like a dumbass died with Xanga. If you're over the age of sixteen, you should know how to spell most words with ease, and if you can't, you should at least know how to use a dictionary. You get a pass if you legitimately are dyslexic. The rest of you... grrrr.
3. The One That Doesn't Say Hi in Public
Sooo you friend request me on Facebook and 'like' all of my pictures, but when I see you at Target and we lock eyes you awkwardly disengage and pretend I don't exist? Who do you think you areeee? *
4. The One That Keeps Posting Those Damn Music Videos
You really like that band. I get it. Unfortunately, posting YouTube videos one after another also makes it blatantly obvious that you really, really have too much time on your hands. And no friends.
5. The One With the Awful Baby Momma/Daddy
Wow, I'm sorry your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/ex is a dick. Dirty laundry should definitely not be aired on social networking sites, though. It makes you look pathetic and makes me feel annoyed. It's even worse when I'm friends with both... hi, I'm caught in the middle...
I'm totally leaving out a few, so I'll just end this with a simple list:
The one that keeps posting those damn high heel Nike pictures and tagging me in it. The one that posts a different picture in the same poorly lit bathroom every other day. The one that plays those annoying 'LMS' games. The one that shares stupid pictures of slutty girls all the time. The one that is a slutty girl. The one that tries to give the world life advice all the time. The one that uses #hashtags but hates Twitter... **
* Yes, this actually happened to me today. Yes, he got unfriended. Also - yes, I am bitter.
** This list is mostly a joke. I <3 all of my Facebook friends. Expect that loser I just deleted.