I think this is an update on my life


(I've tried about 20 different times to post an update since I moved three weeks ago, only to keep realizing I have no idea what to say. I hope this series of rambles makes some kind of sense.)


First: I'm so grateful for those of you, many who don't even really know me, but have offered support, guidance, and friendship. The day after I talked about it on YouTube, my friend Chantit drew an amazing sketch (above) that really helped put me at ease. The day after I posted about it on Facebook, a long lost friend offered me a room in her home. The day after I actually moved, my ex-boyfriend packed my entire home up into boxes since I didn't have the time to do it myself. Sometimes I want to pinch myself when I think about just how lucky I am, but I can't pretend that the love I've felt hasn't been met with a crippling kind of loneliness that few really understand.


My first week here I hurt my ankle, got sick enough for an urgent care visit, and started a new job. One or two of those things would have been manageable on my own, but when they all pile up and I'm realizing I have no one to hold my hand when I get my blood drawn, I'm lost in a strange part of town and have no one to call, and I'm actually excited for work the next day because I'm so bored on my own, it's totally normal to feel a little helpless. The good news is I figured all of those things out by myself, and I guess there's something kind of thrilling about that... But I still spent this past Saturday night alone in my bed and I also still have an IKEA desk sitting unassembled in my back seat because it's too heavy to carry into my house by myself. And that's okay, too.

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I knew that moving would be a challenging experience, but I wasn't really prepared to be quite this humbled. I wanted to move to metro Detroit because the city inspires me, but I haven't created a thing since I've gotten here. I've been utterly unmotivated, completely exhausted, and very alone. That's not to discredit the amazing things I get to experience every day, though. My job is amazing, and my office is filled with great, friendly, interesting people. My home is beautiful, safe, and comfortable. My morning commute is long and arduous, but includes some damn beautiful views. My friends here are talented, helpful, and full of life. I'm learning to be that way, too.

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And more importantly, I'm learning to love myself more than ever before. I've always been pretty independent, but I'm also a people pleaser and probably the best friend I know (just being honest.) That's both a blessing and a curse. I'm now in a place where the people I associate with are there for a reason, where I don't hang out with people just because I feel like I have to, and I'm not afraid to be the girl who eats at restaurants alone. Or assemble my own bed (above), or check my car's fluid levels, or ask for directions from strangers on the street. Baby steps. Like most of the roads in this town, my journey and my being is very much under construction.

That's all I've really got for now.